Anger can be a difficult emotion to express and manage, particularly because we have often been taught not to show or express our anger. It is not uncommon to feel guilty or ashamed about being angry despite it being a very normal and necessary emotion. Anger only becomes unhealthy when we express it in a way that hurts others or yourself. Likewise if you bottle it up and don’t express how you feel, you may find that it will come out in ways that you didn’t expect.

Anger expression can be modeled and influence by our upbringing.  It has many triggers and for each person they are different.

Is anger always a negative thing?

No. Anger can signal to us that something is amiss and that something needs attention. It is a useful and normal emotion. However when your anger is being triggered too often or you feel that your anger is causing problems in your life, your study, work or your relationships with people, it is no longer a helpful emotion.

The physical effects of anger

Anger triggers the body’s ‘fight or flight’ response. The body is flooded with stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol. The brain pushes blood away from the stomach area and towards the muscles, in preparation for physical exertion. Heart rate, blood pressure and respiration increase, the body temperature rises and the skin perspires. The mind is sharpened and focused.

Potential health problems of reoccuring anger

Uncontrolled and unmanaged anger can eventually cause harm to the body. Some of the short and long term health problems that have been linked to unmanaged anger include high blood pressure, skin problems like eczema, digestion problems, headaches, insomnia, stroke and heart attack.

Strategies for managing anger

• Relaxation: Try deep breathing and guided imagery to calm yourself.
• Cognitive restructuring: Change the way you think and avoid using words like “never” or “always” when expressing your opinions. Approach problems in a logical and systematic way. Translate expectations into desires. Change terminology from “I demand” to “I would like.” Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything and may make you feel worse.
• Problem Solving: Focus on facing the problem rather than always looking for a quick solution. Learn ways to deal with your reaction to things that you can’t control. You can make plans but allow for changes and revisions that counteract your environment.
• Better communication: Listen to others before reacting. When considering requests, use logic not emotions. If a discussion becomes heated, think carefully before responding and walk away to reschedule the conversation at a later time.

Express your anger

Learn to express your anger in an assertive way rather than aggressively. Once you can, you will deal with issues while avoiding painful, hurtful and embarrassing confrontations.

Try these tips:

• Count to 10: Stop, think, breath and count to ten. Ensure you don’t say things you may regret later.  Walk away if you need to and tell others you will disuses the situation when they and/or you are calm.
• Exercise regularly: This will help counteract the release of stress hormones in your system and assist in rebalancing the body.
• Distraction: Grab the iPod and listen to music that makes you feel good. Watch your favourite film.
• Sit in a quiet place: Think about what triggered you and look for ways to address issues in a positive way. Read a book or magazine – refocus the mind somewhere else.

By controlling anger and expressing yourself in an assertive rather than an aggressive way your personal health, well being and relationships with others can be improved.

If you cannot learn to control your anger and express yourself assertively rather than aggressively. professional intervention is required. For further help and strategies for dealing with anger call Advantage Psychology.

Self harming behaviour is generally not a suicide attempt.  It is an attempt to make the person feel better and more connected to their environment or the people around them. In some cases, a person may self-harm in an attempt to repress or avoid suicidal feelings.

Why do people start harming themselves?

It could be their way of dealing with:

• Hopelessness
• Overwhelmed by problems
• Low self-esteem
• Loneliness, disconnection from family, friends and the environment.
• Anger
• Guilt
• Lack of personal control
• Poor body image
• Self-hatred
• Post traumatic stress disorder
• Strong feelings of anxiety or depression
• Counteraction to emotional numbness
• A response to physical, sexual or emotional abuse

How can you help someone who’s self-harming?

If you witness a loved one self-harming, try hard to control your emotional response. Yelling, crying or becoming hysterical will only make your loved one more stressed, which can reinforce their self-harming behaviour. Suggestions include:

• Acting in a neutral way.
• If necessary, take them to a more private place.
• Help them to administer first aid to their injuries.
• If their injuries are severe, take them to the nearest hospital emergency department for treatment. Try not to overreact. If a person is self-harming it does not necessarily mean they are suicidal.
• Don’t label them as ‘attention seeking’, this behaviour is a genuine cry for help.
• Be there. Be kind. Be sensitive.
• Listen carefully and try to understand.
• Don’t judge, lecture, or blame the person.
• Reach out to someone else who can help if you’re not sure what to do.
• Seek professional help for yourself and for them.

Even if the thought of the person self-harming causes you to feel uncomfortable, try to understand what the issues behind the feelings may be and how you can support that person to find more positive ways of coping with their pain.

Coping Strategies for the Self-Harmer are:

• Counselling
• Regular exercise
• Stress-management
• Personal expression through writing, painting or music
• Relaxation therapy
• Yoga and meditation
• Avoiding high risk situations
• Social and community support networks
• Improving social skills such as assertiveness training
• For more information, discuss aversion therapy with your therapist.

Self harm can be through direct and indirect means.

Examples of direct self harm is:

• Cutting the skin with knives or any sharp object
• Burning the skin
• Hitting the body with an object or fists (like punching the wall)
• Deliberately falling when doing something like extreme sports
• Picking at skin
• Swallowing pills or sharp objects
• Pulling at hair

Indirect self harm examples are:

• Alcoholism
• Being non-treatment compliant
• Failing to seek required medical help
• Eating disorders
• Drug addictions

What are the treatment options?

• Psychological intervention and/or counselling
• Learning other forms of effective coping techniques
• Understanding and support from family, friends and doctors
• Medical treatment for the physical injuries
• Until the self-harming behaviour is under control, consider leaving adequate supplies of first aid equipment in the home, such as bandages and antiseptic solution.

Anxiety is a natural emotion which is adaptive and important in our lives.

When faced with a possibly dangerous situation, we have a fight or flight response. The feeling of anxiety prepares us to ‘fight’ a threat or to ‘fly’ away from it. All organisms have this response as a component of survival. People who have anxiety problems become anxious more easily and more intensely than others in similar situations.

Anyone can benefit from learning to control his or her anxiety as everyone experiences the emotion.

Staying away from anxiety-provoking situations only makes people feel more anxious and helpless in the long run. It is helpful to learn how to respond to feelings of anxiety and ways to reduce it.

What to do when you’re feeling anxious:

1. Eat and exercise; When people feel anxious, they often neglect themselves. Remember to eat regular meals and to get into an exercise routine. This works twofold as it will improve your overall health and well being.
2. Relaxation; One way in which anxiety expresses itself is physiologically, i.e increased heart rate, excessive sweat etc. Relaxation controls these symptoms. Try deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation. Go for a walk, take a bath, do a class like Yoga or Tai Chi. Learn to meditate.
3. Talk; Bottling things up worsens anxiety. Talk to a friend about what’s making you feel this way. Discuss ways the issue can be resolved.
4. Control your worry; Pick a time and a place to do your worrying every day. Then let go of your worry and get on with your day.
5. Get plenty of sleep; Go to bed at the same time every night and try to relax before you go to sleep. Having a bed time routine, such as brushing your teeth or changing into your PJs, can help you fall asleep easier and faster.
6. Avoid drug and alcohol abuse; At first, these drugs might numb your anxiety but in the long run, drugs and alcohol can potentially make anxiety symptoms worse.
7. Avoid caffeine; Caffeine may increase anxiety symptoms because it stimulates your nervous system.
8. Stay active; Don’t be tempted to stay in bed or at home. Go to work, do the shopping. Try to stick to your normal routine.
9. Confront the things that make you anxious; You can do this by first picturing yourself doing these things. This gets you used to the idea of confronting what makes you anxious before facing them. If you find yourself getting really anxious, practice a relaxation technique while holding the image in your head. Rate the level of anxiety from 0 to 10 and keep track of it. You will notice that your anxiety doesn’t always stay at high levels. Wait some time, without running away from the situation, and it will pass.

Provide link to Relaxation and Sleep post!

For more help about anxiety, arrange a counseling session with the experts at Advantage Psychology.

Sleeping not only allows you to recover your physical and mental energies but also helps you function cognitively and emotionally.

We need sleep as much as we need water, oxygen and food to survive.

Inadequate sleep can cause:

• Reduced Alertness
• Shortened attention span
• Poor memory
• Reduced decision-making skills
• Moodiness and bad temper
• Loss of motivation
• Strain on relationships

How to improve the quality of your sleep

Be active during the day, whether it be walking around the block during lunch or taking a sports class. As long as you exercise regularly, you’ll burn more energy.

Drink plenty of water during the day, this regulates your temperature and helps you sleep at night.

Allow “wind down” time prior to going to sleep. By having the same routine every night before you go to bed, you can improve your chances of falling asleep quickly. A short routine can involve easy things like washing your face and cleaning your teeth. A hot bath for 20 minutes might also prove beneficial.

Be aware of things in your environment that can interfere with your sleep. Pets can disturb your sleep if they’re most active in the nights or if they prevent you from moving freely in your bed.

Only lie down to sleep when you’re feeling sleepy. This way you will fall asleep quicker and experience deeper sleep.

Digital clocks can be distracting if they glow or flash. Just turn the clock to face the opposite direction if it irritates you.

If you’re finding it hard to go to sleep, get out of bed and do a non-arousing activity. Read the newspaper, relax your muscles just don’t watch television.

Things to avoid

Recognise if you worry during the night and tell yourself “Stop. I’ll worry tomorrow, now is the time to sleep.”

Avoid drinking caffeine four hours before you hit the sack. Drinking alcohol, taking drugs or smoking are harmful habits and shouldn’t be sleep aids.

Do not take sleeping pills unless instructed to by a doctor.

Going to bed on an empty or full stomach can keep you awake.

Did you know?

• A majority of deep sleep occurs during the first five hours of the night.
• Staying awake for 24 hours leads to a reduced hand-eye coordination that is similar to having a blood alcohol content of 0.1.
• One third of your life is spent sleeping.
• As you grow older you require less sleep.
• More sleep is lost worrying about “not sleeping” than through any other cause.